Funny stories in under 500 words.

Bakery Bitch

Some people know how to cook a proper grudge. This funny story was written by Carol Murphy, who is the author of several stories and articles. A few of her stories were Likely Story, published by, Dispersion in Latchkey Tales: Afternoon Storms by Solarwyrm Press, Whiffs in Disorder by Reddashboard Press, and more. She has an MA in Speech-Language Pathology, started a pediatric therapy practice centering on learning disabilities and produced a newsletter for over 25 years. She can be reached through her website

“We call her the bakery bitch,” Will declared as they strolled down the sidewalk, passing the bakery. He pointed to a dark haired fortyish woman behind the counter.

`“Is she really that bad?” Samantha asked as they entered a coffee house.

“Oh, yeah, evil,” he answered and then ordered two lattes.

“Evil, bitch- these words sound a little exaggerated. She doesn’t look that bad.” Samantha took a sip of coffee and waited for Will to go on.

“Well, when she filed for divorce from my brother, she sent a card to my mom saying thanks for nothing. He eyed Samantha.

“Oh my god! To your mother?”

“Truthfully, neither of my parents ever liked her that much, but that card was a slap in the face, especially when she lost the baby and her own mother didn’t even come to see her. My mother was there every day for support.”

“Wow, that card seems really uncalled for.” Samantha watched Will drink his latte for a few moments. “So you guys don’t go in her bakery anymore?”

“No, we’re boycotting. I’ve told my friends and my brother’s friends.” Will smiled, looking satisfied. “Actually the word has spread rather quickly- stay away from the bakery bitch’s store. This is a small town. It’s worked. Soon she’ll be out of business.”

“That’s a little over the top too.”

Will’s smile faded. “I’m sticking up for my brother and mother.”

Samantha’s tone became soothing. Maybe she’d been harsh. Will seemed genuinely upset. “All I meant was that your brother remarried and now your mother has a grandson. It’s been awhile. Maybe it would be better to just let it go.” She patted his arm.

He pulled away. “Nah, no way. She’s the bakery bitch and that’s what she’ll always be!” His face had turned red.

Samantha stared incredulously at Will a few moments. “Maybe this should be our last date.”

Will jerked his head around. “What? Are you joking? Just because I told you about her?”

“I just don’t think we’re a good match.” She spoke carefully and sighed. “Anyway, I’ll get my degree in a week and then I have a paid internship in Detroit. You remember- with that financial firm? It’s a good offer.”

Will turned away for a second, and then slowly faced her. “Oh, that’s right; you’re a financial advisor in training.” He smirked.

“Yes, just like I explained on our first date. I’ll be moving soon, so it just wouldn’t work.”

“So why did you want to date in the first place?” It sounded like an accusation and his body had stiffened.

Samantha stood up, ignoring the question. She put out her hand. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Yeah, I bet. You got two dinners and a latte.”

Samantha picked up her purse and started walking toward the door.

“Know what name I have for you?” He blurted from across the room- Finance Freak!”

The customers turned to stare at a shaking Will.

Samantha had already left.

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash, edited by David Gregory.

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