Funny stories in under 500 words.

The Doorbell

Ding dong! This funny story was written by Lia Sharp, who is a student at Full Sail University. She’s never been published before, but has been interested in writing since the 5th grade.
The fact that the doorbell rang was weird enough. Tristan wasn’t expecting a mail delivery or guests, or a ringing doorbell from either anyway since it was broken, so the presence of a white box on his doorstep made a little more sense for the fact that it was just as weird.

“Who—” he said as he looked up and around. Not a single person was in sight on the porch, the sidewalk, or even hiding in the bushes essentially fencing in the yard. He tapped the doorbell. The chime began but buzzed into nothing, which he supposed was an improvement from the complete lack of sound it’d been giving for the last few months, but a second tap returned it to that state. Wish the damn thing would just work, he thought.

Bending to pick up the box, he shook his head and sighed, “Well, let’s see what this is.”

The box was small enough to fit in Tristan’s hand but weighty as if it carried a brick inside. Completely unornamented save for the lid’s clasp, he wondered why he couldn’t keep his eyes away from it.

A gentle lift of the clasp with his thumb caused the box to spring open. Inside, something glittery coiled. It unwound as he pulled it out, and he realized why the box weighed so much.

“Five pounds of gold string…what the hell?” At least he hoped it was gold. The string was halfway out of the box, and he was halfway to the phone to call an expert on precious metals when a fluffy, golden haired cat sat in his way. Not my cat.

“Now, play with me!” the cat exclaimed.

Not a cat. Tristan then caught the thought that just went through his head. No, I’m not a sane person apparently. “Um.”

The cat huffed, “My name is Swish, and I’m here to grant you a wish. But first you must entertain me with that string, for it is the most pleasant—”

Tristan didn’t hear the end, as he’d promptly passed out. Only a moment must have elapsed before the cat batted his head back into consciousness. “Play with me now, human, or I shall have to depart without so much as a whisker left behind.”

Whatever was happening here, it proved Tristan’s long held beliefs in the world being a little magical. Or it was a prank. He would at least decidedly not speak to the cat. But for one reason or the other, he stood up, pulled the gold string the rest of the way out, and gave it a whip. The cat Swish immediately lost all intelligence in its eyes. It simply locked on to the end of the string like it was all it could see.

Tristan gave it another whip, stronger, and Swish leaped into the air, barely missing the string. He’d soon hate himself for the decision, but without realizing what would happen, he whipped the string hard enough to cause the whole thing to fly around the room.

But Swish flew around with it, and everything the cat’s feet encountered was either shredded or broken by the sheer desperation of the cat to capture the string.

“Oh shit, nono no!” Tristan stopped the string as best he could, but the damage was done. Swish was easily able to catch it then. The string rewound into the box that had ended up on the floor, the box completely disappearing after.

“Aah, thank you human,” Swish said. “I shall grant your wish now.” It walked past Tristan towards the still open door, stopping on the step. It gave itself a great lick down the side, chewed for a moment, then turned and spit a hairball onto the doorbell, then went on its way. The hairball disappeared.

Tristan stood in the chaotic aftermath and insanity, and thought about the “gift” he’d just received. He pressed the doorbell a few times, more than necessary to hear the perfect chime. Indeed, it was a miracle, but…

“I could have just bought a new one!”


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