Funny stories in under 500 words.

Over My Dead Body

“Over my dead body.”

“Well over your dead body it is then.” I said refusing to relent. I needed the money and that stupid guitar had no purpose in our home. No one plays guitar and it is just sitting on a stand in the corner of her bedroom.

My sister is a force. It wasn’t going to be easy wrestling the guitar away from her. It is unclear who owns it. One day, it just showed up after our dad came home drunk and holding it.

He said he’d won it in a card game and the guitar is rumored to have been stolen off Glenn Campbell’s tour bus. Of course, we weren’t going to try to verify the story and our father passed before we could get to the truth.

I took a picture and posted it in Craigslist. The ad read "1983 Ovation 1627-4 Glen Campbell model. Comes with case. Asking $1,800.00."

My sister was livid when she found out. I still don’t know how she found out.

“What on earth do you think you’re doing?” she demanded.

I played stupid. “What?”

“You know what dweeb. You’re trying to sell the guitar online. I’m not stupid.”

I was under pressure, especially since I had just got an offer on it.

“It’s not yours and I need the cash. Look, I’ll give you $500.00 of it. I’ll even give to you in advance. But the guitar is mine to sell."

She didn’t react right away. “Look, besides, it’s NOT Glen Campbell’s guitar. It’s a guitar made with Glenn Campbell as its inspiration. Get it? It’s not his guitar. So, it’s not worth what you think it is. Dad was drunk and would have believed anything.”

She wasn’t going to make it easy.

“I’m taking guitar lessons and I am writing a song,” she blurted out.

“That’s ridiculous,” I countered.

“Give me the $500.00 before the end of the day and I’ll buy my own guitar.”

Finally, a breakthrough. I had the money in cash in my room and gave it to her before she changed her mind. With a sense of victory, I read the offer. The buyer offered $1000.00 on a take it or leave it basis. I knew I was getting ripped off, but I needed the money. I delivered the guitar to a sketchy looking guy at a McDonalds. I didn’t feel good about it, but it was done.

Back at home, the corner where the guitar stood gave me a sense of sadness. If my sister made good on her promise, there’d be another guitar there before long.

That very night I walked by the room and saw the Glen Campbell guitar back where it was, as if it had never left. There was a note wedged between the strings by the sound hole.

I picked it up and read it.

“Got a line that rhymes with over my dead body? My guitar now. -Sis"

This story was written by Charles DiFalco. His successes include having been a contributing writer to several American based magazines, freelancing for a major newspaper, having a poem published as well as founding and writing for The Hamiltonian, a media outlet that was founded in 2008 and continues to publish. He is also a professional songwriter who has been published multiple times and whose works appear on American television. 


1 comment:

  1. I said refusing to relent.
    That's a great line, Charles. May I borrow it?