Funny stories in under 500 words.


Crime Scene Investigator Jerry Black entered through the already open front door of a hundred year old house. Jim Simon, the County Coroner, followed behind him, carrying a well-worn satchel. An old Who song was blaring from an adjoining living room. A police officer stood in the middle of the room next to a closed black body bag, waiting to greet them.

Inspector Black stopped short and looked to the side while listening to the music. “Is that Pinball Wizard?” he asked.

“I believe so, sir,” the officer replied. “I’ll go turn it off...” He raced into the adjoining room while Inspector Black and Jim turned their attention to the body bag. The music suddenly stopped while Inspector Black unzipped the body bag and spread the top part partially open. He quickly straightened up and turned to fight a sudden gag reflex.

“That is the grossest one yet,” said the police officer, returning from the other room. “Do you have any idea what happened?”

“Uh,” muttered Inspector Black, still struggling with a churning stomach. “That’s what we intend to find out. Jim?”

The coroner got down on one knee and dug around in the body bag, eliciting some pretty wet and nasty noises. Both the inspector and the police officer turned away in unmasked disgust.

After about a minute of examination, Jim said, “Well, the pheridectum has been abstuded by what appears to be a massive serectal anomaly. That spread into every brentacial orifice within the cerebral gropex.”

“In English,” said Inspector Black.

“I’m sorry. I thought you wanted that in Latin. Anyway, this man literally laughed himself to death.”

“Laughed...” blurted the police officer. “Why so gross?”

Jim looked up at the officer condescendingly and said, “Have you laughed really hard? I mean REALLY hard!” Jim looked through him as if viewing a disturbing scene far away. “Things happen. Embarrassing things. Long before you would actually die from it. It gets bad—real bad!”

Inspector Black looked around and said, “That explains the no signs of struggle.” That is when his sharp eye noticed that the TV on the other side of the room was on but displayed a blank blue screen. Looking at the box below it, he pushed a button on the top of the box. A door opened and a DVD disk slid out.

He read the top of the DVD aloud, “Americas Funniest Videos Cat Antics.” Using a handkerchief, he picked up a disk case from the top of the TV. Reading it, he said, “120 minutes of cats spazzing, crashing, falling into toilets, and doing amazingly silly stuff.” He looked over at Jim. “Two hours?”

Jim looked incredulous. “Two hours of cats falling into toilets. That would be too much for anyone!”

“If any but the victim’s prints are on this case,” said Inspector Black. “We have a murder on our hands. One thing for sure—there is definitely something funny going on here.”

This story comes from John Beavers, a self-described luddite just learning to blog. He works as a software engineer by day, but he’d rather just write fun stuff. Check out his blog at


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