Funny stories in under 500 words.

Empty Nest



Unlike others his age, Gene Austin saw the empty nest not as an end, but a bright new beginning. So, it was with anticipation that he sat across the kitchen table from his wife of nearly three decades and smiled. “I know you. We used to date about twenty-five years ago. What’s new?”

Beryl laughed and sipped another mouthful of coffee.

Since they had the house all to themselves, Gene suggested they return to the bedroom for some daytime intimacy, itself a rarity when the children lived at home. They would not have to be concerned about closed doors or unexpected interruptions or even the need to muffle their words of desire. No, they could relive the halcyon days of their youth when clothes flew off like leaves in an autumn storm and romping around without a stitch was commonplace.

With fond memories fueling his lust, Gene wasted little time getting naked and into bed. Ever adventurous, Beryl followed. In minutes, they were wrapped in a torrid embrace. Lips locked; hands roamed; limbs entwined.

Gene was determined to prove, most likely to himself, that little had changed in the decades since they first dated. He was energetic and surprisingly limber. Beryl mirrored Gene’s enthusiasm with her own reawakened passion. The years fell away, as did those little wrinkles and distinguishing characteristics of maturity, as Gene liked to call them.

As their intimacy neared its natural crescendo, Gene let out a loud and very vocal expression of his satisfaction, to which Beryl asked, “Already?”

With his eyes squeezed tight and his spine rigid, Gene bellowed, “No! My leg is cramped. Agggghhh!”

Michael Anthony is a writer and artist currently living in New Jersey. He has published fiction, poetry and illustrations in various literary journals. Cappers Magazine has serialized two of his novellas.




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