Funny stories in under 500 words.

The Ship

“Glen, come here, Glen.”

There’s something different about both of them.


I hate it when she calls me Glenny. She’s definitely up to something. Maybe I’ll leave. I could stay on the other side of the island. I used to be their little darling.

Now they act as if I’m a pest, a bother.

I thought this was a fishing trip. Jim made fishing line out of grapevine strands, and he carved fish hooks from some shells he found. If he wanted to go fishing, why didn’t he bring some real fishing gear?

Two months, and Jim still hasn’t caught a thing. They keep eating seaweed and those tiny crabs they find. And now lately, every time I come near, they eye me as though I’m a suspect.

I have to pee, there, that log, perfect. Now what was I thinking? Oh, maybe Jessica has some food. I’ll go back and check. She’s smiling. Hmmm, smells like peanut butter, and the grubs are getting old. Closer, closer. Wait, what’s that, Jim? He’s swinging a large stick, pull back. That jerk just tried to club me!

“Glenny,” Jessica says, “Jim didn’t mean that.” She pauses, turns toward Jim and shakes her head in disgust. “I can’t believe you missed him,” she says.

So they’re both in on it. Do they really think an eight pound Yorkie will satisfy them? Isn’t my companionship worth what few bites they think they’re going to get? Stupid humans. Dad always said you couldn’t trust them.

“Glenny, come here boy!”

Whatever, Jessica. I’m going to the other side of the island. I can live on flies. I can eat grubs. Why don’t Jim and Jessica eat grubs? They go for me, before grubs? Are they sick?

What’s that, a ship? Jim and Jessica kept saying, “Why haven’t we seen any ships?” The fools, they’re on the wrong side of the island.

I must try to tell them, just once.

As I near, Jessica sits alone, “Oh Glenny, you’re back.”

I keep a good ten feet between us, but I want to tell her about the ship. Raff, raff, raff, I give a look down the beach. Follow my eyes, stupid. Raff, raff, I give a look, doesn’t she get it? The ship! The Ship!

Oh no, no, ouch! What? Jim?! He’s behind that tree. He just hit me with a log. I’m down, I must bite him. Thud! He hit me again. Stop it, the ship, you moron! His boot is on my neck. I can’t breathe. He’s driving something into my side. Stupid human, stupid human!

“Well done Yorkie,” Jim said, surprising himself with his callousness. Jessica took the tiny leg and bit in.

“Delicious,” Jessica said. “His yapping was getting irritating anyway.”

Jim looked at her and sighed. “I don’t know what we’ll do next, though.”

“Shut up and enjoy the moment,” Jessica replied, chewing hungrily. Jim eyed her legs; her muscles still toned enough that, well, his mouth watered.

This story was written by Ted Knoblach. Ted lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He enjoys reading and writing. ,

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