Funny stories in under 500 words.

Zombie Trouble

This funny story is about a zombie who'd much rather stay that way. Its author publishes short humor under the pen-name Severely Odd. His work is available on Amazon and via Smashwords.
If you would have asked Elaine whether she enjoyed being a zombie, she would have, after some careful consideration, replied "yes," while chewing on her brains. Actually, to be honest, they wouldn’t be her brains except in the "her breakfast" sense; obviously Elaine had no intention of eating her own brains. Why this is so is one of the more mysterious behaviors of zombies, even more than the lurching.

But Elaine, as we have said, enjoyed being a zombie. Her social life had hardly suffered, and she got to meet new people all the time, albeit briefly in most cases. True, her skin was worse than even that time she’d contracted acne, psoriasis and eczema simultaneously, but she didn’t care about silly things like that anymore. She was too busy finding more brains.

And so, the day when she met the men with the Cure was the worst day in her life (or, perhaps, undeath,) ever.

It all started when she saw an incredibly good looking man, who attracted her attention as he had an intact skull, signifying brains inside.

"Whoa! There’s one over here!"

A second man came running into the room, also carrying brains. Elaine smiled. This was turning out to be a great day.

"Have you got the Cure?" the second man his companion, who nodded and began to fiddle around with a small thing that was totally uninteresting to Elaine, as it was far too small to contain brains. She jumped for him, but the other one hit her with a crowbar. They did that sometimes, humans. They were most irrational.

"Well hurry up! She’s getting up!"

"I preferred it when we just blew them up! Not cure them!" the first one replied, finally finishing his fiddling and walking over to Elaine. She had just got to her feet and was readying herself to rush his companion. She had no intention of being cured.

"Now!" shouted the latter, and suddenly Elaine felt a sharp pain in her arm and everything seemed to change. Brains, once so juicy and delicious, not to mention central to her existence, suddenly felt less appetizing, and other things began to colonize her mind, like exams and homework. As the blank look faded, the man who had injected her smiled in relief, and stepped forward, only to be surprised when he was slapped across the face.

"You ruined everything!" she shrieked. "Now I’ll have to go home and do my exams and the washing-up and get a job! You utter, utter, idiot!" The man’s mouth was now hanging open in shock, and Elaine realized that just half a minute earlier she would have taken that as an invitation and ripped through the roof of his mouth to get hold of the juicy, juicy brains…

And then, she realized it...she might not be a zombie any more, but that didn’t mean that she had to give up the lifestyle.

And so she went right ahead.


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