Funny stories in under 500 words.

Shit Out of Luck

funny short story: shit out of luck

While Sal stood, her hands clasped below her navel, waiting at the altar Rick had gone in search of a toilet.

He wasn’t aware that he was at all late, as he had stopped looking at his watch-

God, it had been a hellish morning.


Sal knew it had been a mistake. She and Rick had wanted to do something different. She had decided she wanted to stand at the altar and Rick can walk down the aisle. All well in theory, but where was he? It had been a bad idea to let Rick travel alone. But with so few relatives to spare to be with each of them, what could they have done?


Rick had locked the cat in the house (Sal wouldn’t have wanted to come home to her precious cat distressed) he had mislaid his car keys and had tripped on one of the plastic gnomes they had outlining the garden path. Ten miles along the road and he had soon begun to feel the urge, in his pants. Yes, he had forgotten something important, to go to the loo.

But in this forsaken village, where incidentally they had chosen to have the wedding, there were no signs of life. There was not a pastry shop, a Chinese restaurant or supermarket in sight. There were no tourist attractions and

There were 0 public toilets available to use. Why had Sal wanted to marry him here?

He had traipsed far from the car into a maze of corn fields and had lost sense of direction to where the reception might be taking place. With Sal waiting anxiously for him there, Rick thought with a pang of regret.

He, in his wedding suit and top hat, had no cash on him, otherwise he would have happily paid for a taxi. Using the map on his tablet he soon had navigated himself back to the, well, the ‘town’ of this village. Thinking sod the car-

His phone reception had gone out.

On the high street there was a pawn brokers which led to his next idea:

Pawn the ring, call for a taxi

And getting his self to his finance sharpish.


Saying his vows, Rick still needed that poo.

This story is brought to you by Katie Lewington. Katie loves her boyfriend, bacon sandwiches, poetry and reality TV. She also writes the occasional story. Check out her blog at, and you can contact her through Twitter @Idon'twearahat or Tumblr at klluniverse.

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