Funny stories in under 500 words.

What Tangled Arm Hairs We Weave

funny short story: what tangled arm hairs we weave


Tina was a freshman in high school who was just now beginning to “blossom,” as adults liked to call it. However, like many unfortunate teenagers, we don’t always blossom the way we want to.

In Tina’s case, her forearms happened to blossom into hair-covered monstrosities. In just a few months, Tina went from being a normal girl to a gorilla-armed freak. Her classmates teased her relentlessly, and finally she decided to do something about it: Tina was going to shave her arms!

After school, Tina went to a local convenience store in search of a razor.

“Can I help you?” asked Jim, the store clerk, almost immediately after she walked in.

“Um, sure,” said Tina. “Can you help me find some razors?”

The store clerk looked concerned. “You’re not… gonna hurt yourself, are you?”

“No! I just wanted to shave my arms. I keep getting picked on about how hairy they are.”

Jim was alarmed by this statement. He was a proud feminist who believed arm and leg hair to be highly underappreciated. Tina was super cute, and he would hate to see her self-esteem shot over a natural part of her body. It would be wrong for him to sell her a razor for such a purpose.

However, Jim’s manager was watching his interaction with Tina, so there was no way he could get by without selling her a razor. He decided he’d grab one from the stock of dysfunctional razors, sell it to her, and then call her later to explain everything.

“Can I get your number?” said Jim as he handed her the faulty razor.

“Sure!” said Tina, blushing. She wondered how anyone could be interested in her with such hairy arms.

When Tina got home, she relished in the moment of truth. Finally, she would be a normal teenage girl. People who once laughed at her arms would now be jealous of their smooth sexiness. As she slid the razor across her arm, it left a huge gash instead of the lovely hairless trail Tina expected. She was bleeding profusely, and her dreams were ruined!

As she cried all over herself, her phone started ringing. It was Jim.

“The razors cut me! What kind of razors are those?!”

“I’m so sorry!” said Jim. “I got off work later than expected! I sold you broken razors so I could convince you to return them. I love your hairy arms, and I love you!”

That was the sweetest thing Tina had ever heard. Within only a few minutes Jim was at Tina’s house, and they embraced, blood and hair flying every which way.

Years later, Tina and Jim married and have seven children, each hairier and more beautiful than the last.

This story was written by Melanie Mann, who can be contacted at Melanie.mann@selu.edu.




,

No comments:

Post a Comment