Funny stories in under 500 words.

The dress

funny short story: the dressThe wedding vibrated around her head on a constant whirl of a merry go round – the guests, the vows, the cake, the location, the honeymoon – the sex?

And then the dress, with two days until the wedding and still there was no dress hanging in her closet.

And as she pointed out to her mum, “I can’t have a white dress” and began to wail, her tears shooting up in the air, in silver and pale colours, like a sperm whale’s jet.

“Blue,” her mum suggested

“I’ll be too pale for blue as well,” she choked on a sob and burped.

“Well, red then”

‘”Slutty,” she shook her head.

They passed through the hall, wavering, through the wall and into the kitchen where her mum’s heart still remains. Her mum winced at the cook who was throwing flurries of spices into a huge vat of soup and then stirred with a long middle finger that had not been washed. She gazed from the window and into the fall, the lines of rain pelted across her vision like the strokes of a cane against somebody’s backside.

She dried her eyes on a naked arm. "He’s going to look so good in his suit," she said mournfully. "Oh what is a ghost to do?"

This story is brought to you by Katie Lewington. Katie loves her boyfriend, bacon sandwiches, poetry and reality TV. She also writes the occasional story. Check out her blog at, and you can contact her through Twitter @Idon'twearahat or Tumblr at klluniverse. , ,

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