Funny stories in under 500 words.

Office politics

funny short story: office politics


Flying on a magic carpet of publicity and scandal, the conservative presidential candidate could not be touched in the polls. His own party feared for their political reputation; the opposing party wondered if middle-America had gone bat-shit crazy; and the Americans watching their televisions, at least those who were smart enough to close their mouths and breathe through their nose, watched a man running for the President of the United States explain what he meant by calling the German chancellor a bimbo.

As journalists packed their things, in a hurry to advertise his notoriety from their desk, the candidate saw a feeble arm rise discreetly from the crowd.

“You there,” the candidate said. “I see we have one more brave soul! Why don’t we let the little man ask his question?”

Chuckles surrounded the curious journalist.

“What kind of political experience do you have?” asked the journalist.

“Pff. Please. Don’t embarrass yourself. American’s don’t need another politician. They need a leader,” said the candidate.

“Well, you’ve had some successful in business, sure. But, politics is different than business, right? A company wouldn’t hire someone as CEO to run a company whose only experience was in politics. What makes you think it works the other way around?” the journalist asked, speaking with more courage.

The businessman slapped his hands on the podium like bongos. The candidate had never heard this question positioned in this way.

“Look. As a CEO, as a businessman, you have to be a master of office politics. Let me tell you. I was the king of remembering birthdays, everybody loved me! And the people who didn’t love me, were losers anyway. No losers in my company; no losers in my country. Boom! I remember one time, there was this guy named Julio Hernandez, he was our accountant, not our lawn-maintenance guy believe it or not.”

He waited for the crowd to bite for a laugh; no one took the bait.

“Anyway, he burnt the popcorn in the microwave. The place stunk. Stunk bad. Stunk like China. So, what did I do? I made him buy the office a new microwave, and then I fired him the next day. Because that’s how I get things done. Birthdays, no losers, and not smelling like China!” the candidate said, pointing a number one to the sky like Babe Ruth after a grand slam.

“I don’t understand. You are going to be a good president by remembering birthdays? And firing everybody? And…popcorn-smell?” the journalist inquired.

“I’ll do it so fast, it will make your head spin,” he said.

This story was written by David Gregory, creator of this website. Comment with your thoughts below! ,

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