Funny stories in under 500 words.

Cozy Sophie

funny short story: cozy sophie

So, I wrote this note to Sophie. It’s a special note. It’s a note where I’m expressing my never-ending love for her. She is so beautiful. She will be my girlfriend and we’ll be so happy.

I’m kind of nervous because this is the first time I have approached a girl like this. I haven’t had any girlfriends, or friends for that matter. I seem to be lonely most of the time. But that doesn’t happen when I’m around with Sophie. When she looks at me, I feel a warmth inside and I know everything is going to be fine.

Finally, I decided to approach her. She is very shy, so I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. People say that if you want to make friends with someone, you need to buy them food. So I got her some alfalfa sprouts. That ought to do the trick.

She was just standing there, with her enormous eyes, taking in all the sun she could get. Eyelashes that went miles long. Big, sultry lips. Tall as a building. Sun-grazed skin. Everything about her irradiated sexuality. I barely could keep myself together when I was around her.

We haven’t really spoken. Who needs talking anyway? Speech is so overrated. I can’t buy a can of baked peas without stuttering. I surely, am not relying on my words to make an impression. I know it’s corny, but I’m counting on our hearts to meet midways. True, we haven’t crossed a word, but we have made eye contact in several occasions. Intense eye contact. That’s how I knew we were meant to be together.

The day has come and I’m finally standing here, just a sigh away from her. She hasn’t looked at my direction yet. I have to wait a bit longer. Oh, the wait is so frustrating. My heart is all over my ribcage. I taking out the alfalfa sprouts, gently, I don’t wish to scare her away. I lift them just a little bit over my shoulder, just enough so that she can see. She turned her head. I can’t believe it. She has seen me again. Oh, boy. She’s actually coming towards me. There’s a new look in her eyes, one I had not notice before. I’ll come closer. We are almost near. I just have to make my way across the crowd. After a bit of struggle and a couple of shoe-stepping we’re finally close to each other. Oh, God, the nervousness. We stare at each other as if we had a genetic impairment to close our eyes, and ¡Oh! Should I venture into the unknown and try to touch her? Will she run in a scared frenzy? Every orifice of my body is bound to react somehow to the silence I’m imposing to my mouth. I lift the sprouts up to her nose and to my joy she begins to eat them. Gently, elegantly (how else would a beauty such as this do so?). My mouth is watering as my pores pour themselves out. Softly, I begin to caress her cheeks. Such smoothness seems otherworldly. Gathering enough amount of courage I lean forwards and press my lips against hers. Wild visions of love and joy dance around in my mind as this ethereal moment lingers on the realm where she and I are one; just before everything begins to turn black and fuzzy.

“Pervert lures camel with alfalfa sprouts to make out with it! Zoo officials are baffled. Managers face impending lawsuit by a group of parents whose kids were “visibly traumatized” from witnessing the events. Zookeepers are startled. The involved animal was a healthy 5 year-old male who was noticeably aroused by the whole incident. #cozycamel is now trending topic on Twitter.

Roman R. Orozco (London, 1978) is a writer from Mexico. Has a degree in Communication Studies and a masters degree in Humanities, which enables him to talk about nonsense for hours and get paid for it. He enjoys films and music from all over the world (except reggaeton, he hates the stuff). A year ago he quit his job as a literature teacher and founded with his wife a small company where they do writing, proofreading and translation services. Click here to visit his half-abandoned blog...Hay más cosas >>