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The old college try

funny short story: the old college try


As we pulled into her driveway soon after Saturday, June 21, 1986, had become Sunday, June 22, 1986, toward the end of our second date, I was preparing to meet her – her mother, that is. As we approached the back door of her family’s side of their duplex in Green Township, Ohio), about halfway between Akron and Canton, Beth whispered to me, “Oh, by the way, you’re 17.”

“Huh?” I asked.

“You’re 17; my mom’ll never let me go out with you if she knows you’re 19,” Beth, who’d recently turned 17 herself, said. I was hesitant and panic-stricken, yes, but after quick and careful thought, went along with it.

I can’t believe I’m gonna lie to her mom the first time I meet her.

After regrettably telling her mother and stepfather that I was two years younger than I really was, the dreaded where-do-you-go-to-school question came up. I couldn’t tell them the truth. If I did – that I’d be a sophomore at Ohio University in the fall – they’d probably have gotten suspicious, and might’ve suspected I was some sort of honors student who finished high school early. On it was to plan B.

Think, Rog, think!

I came up with a good one (well, maybe not good, but it was something). Fully aware that Beth would be receiving mail from Athens, Ohio, some four hours away, come September, I told her mother and stepfather that after attending public high school for two years, I would be spending my senior year at a private secondary institution called Ohio University Boarding School (say what?) in Athens.? In any case, everything came crashing down a few months later when Beth’s mother discovered my college ID.

Moral of the story: don’t leave your wallet lying around.

This nonfiction story comes from Roger Gordon. Roger has written for several publications, mostly sports-related. He has authored four books, including one on LeBron James' rookie season. Roger's fifth book, on the 1975-76 Cleveland Cavaliers, will be released in November 2016.
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