Funny stories in under 500 words.

Baby Benefits

funny short story: baby benefits

Katie Brown, twenty-six years old and pleasant, with a solid bachelor’s degree in marketing and a resume beefed-up on unpaid internships, summer gigs and general retail, sat across from the man in the suit with an expectant look on her face. He asked her the normal questions, and she gave her rehearsed answers. She could tell by the look on his face that the interview was going well. Very well.

He leaned forward across the desk, his short, fat fingers folded together. “Okay, Katie,” he said, “let’s get down to the nuts and bolts of it, now, shall we?” She nodded, crossing her legs in a ladylike way.

“Okay. Here’s the deal. You have three years before I announce my first pregnancy.”

The man leaned back, sighing in an audible, hissing way. “I don’t know...”

“But,” she leaned forward, one finger held up to stop his forth-coming reservations, “I can promise you that, from the third to the seventh month of my pregnancy, my sales will shoot up by over 300% because I’ll be an extremely adorable pregnant women. The men that come in will have weird, voyeuristic sexual fantasies about me, and the women will be bitterly jealous of me and then feel bad about it, so they’ll buy from me, too.”

The man’s eyebrows shot up, impressed. “Okay, Katie. What’re your terms?”

“Last two months off, and four after the baby’s popped out, with benefits, good for up to three children.”

“Three? Really? Isn’t that a little... indulgent? You know we’re facing extreme overpopulation, don’t you?”

Katie narrowed her eyes. “Okay. Fine. Two pregnancies. Unless I become a senior sales rep by that time, in which case, three.”

“You drive a hard bargain. I can tell you’ll be a great addition to our team. Alright, Katie. You’re hired. Sign here, please – yes – thank you. Welcome aboard.”

This story comes from Caitlin Foley. She's a student of creative writing at Lesley University in Cambridge, MA, and currently based in Galway, Ireland. She works as a freelance writer and editor, with experience developing websites. Click HERE to check out her website!