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The greatest app ever sold

funny short story: the greatest app ever sold


Two hooded holy men were walking across the Cathedral lawn. It was the particularly glorious Sunday morning; the sky was particularly blue, the grass was particularly green, and the particulars of being a holy man was particularly rewarding, particularly to Matthew.

“Thomas, I’ve had the most wonderful idea,” exclaimed Matthew.

Thomas looked at Matthew in fearful awe, like he’d just watched a caterpillar metamorphosize into a bat. Matthew and Thomas had both taken a vows of silence. Of course, Matthew wasn’t the first holy man to break his vow of silence. In fact, a few of the holy men started a secret whispering society, where they would scamper off into the woods on the first Saturday night of the month to play “secret whisper games.” Telephone, duck duck goose, you know the ones. Thomas had a mind to tell on them, except for the whole “vow of silence” thing.

Thomas looked disapprovingly at Matthew.

“Oh come off it. Everybody’s doing it. Hey, but seriously. I have an idea that will blow the Pope’s hat off,” said Matthew.

Thomas quickly looked around to ensure they were alone. Thomas knew to himself that he had only said five words since he started his vow 20 years ago. He partially blames the Lord, since it was He who allowed him to stub his toe that one fateful morning. Since God was the only One to hear him, Thomas doesn’t really think it counts.

“Fine don’t say anything. Just listen. I think God should have an app! That way, people can just submit their prayers online, with photos,” said Matthew.

It took all twelve muscles in Thomas’ mouth to hold back his tongue. Thomas had never heard of anything so ridiculous.

“I’m going to write a letter to the Pope. It could change EVERYTHING! The app could integrate with social media. Facebook, Twitter, and what’s a Snapchat? I’m not exactly sure what Snapchat is but all the other guys keep whispering, ‘Gotta take a Snapchat, and did you see his Snapchat last night, and OMG he did not take a picture of his…” said Matthew.

It was at this point that Thomas knew he had to say something.

“Matthew, I have not spoken in 20 years, and I speak now to tell you this. Your idea, is an abomination. If the Pope were to know it came from your unforsaken head, he would swiftly excommunicate you. Think about your app idea for a second. Don’t you think people will get mad when God doesn’t respond to them?” said Thomas.

“Haven’t yet, right?” the holy man chuckled.

This story was written by David Gregory, creator of this website. Comment with your thoughts below!
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