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Jelly beans suck!

funny short story: jelly beans suck


Richard sat up, and saw his son squirming in his footie pajamas at the foot of his bed.

“Daddy? Why does life taste like chocolate?”

Richard squinted, until he remembered what Timmy was watching earlier this morning.

“No, no, my silly little man. Forest Gump said ‘Life is like a box of chocolates, because you never know what you’re going to get,” said Richard.

Timmy hoisted himself onto the bed, and hopped onto his dad’s lap.

“Do you believe that, daddy?”

“Hmm…” Richard puffed. He could have just said yes, but Richard looked at Timmy’s soulful blue eyes and remembered how his little brain absorbed everything at this age. So, instead, Richard took a pause, and really gave it a thought.

“Well, I guess not. Because, no matter what you get from a box of chocolates, it’s still chocolate, right? That’s a pretty privileged perspective, boy.”

Timmy didn’t really understand, but nodded politely.

“Life is more like a bag of jelly beans. Some days, you get a handful of those delicious strawberry and watermelon ones.”

“Then other times, it’s like…Oh my goodness, my mouth is full of baby wipes!” said Timmy.

“Exactly,” said Richard, a little disturbed at the reference. Cartoons these days…

“Daddy, that doesn’t seem fair. Right?”

Richard sighed.

“Life isn’t really fair, Timmy. Not everyone has it good like us.”

Timmy lifted his finger at Richard.

“How can there be a God, daddy? If life’s so unfair?”

When Timmy started speaking with his hands, Richard knew he was getting excited. To distract him, Richard immediately bumped his face with a pillow, and followed with a tickle attack. It didn’t take much to make a 5 year old forget. Once settled and out of breath, Richard decided to continue.

“Well, that’s a very complicated question. It kinda makes sense to say there’s no God, because some people only get jelly beans that taste like…baby wipes…But if I teach you one thing Timmy, it’s this: Humans created bad jelly beans. We did that. The licorice ones, the popcorn ones, we only have ourselves to blame.”

Timmy’s face widened.

“And if there is a God, I don’t think he cares about our jelly beans at all, and maybe we shouldn’t either. Because honestly, once we swallow all those jelly beans, and the bag is long gone, we forget about them too. Love them, hate them, just give it an hour and it will be the last thing on your mind,” Richard said.

Richard stopped talking. Looking at Timmy’s blank face, Richard thought I may have let that analogy get away from me.

“So, what the point of it all, daddy?”

Richard was silent. He honestly didn’t know the answer.

“Well, I guess what I am saying. Jelly beans suck. Stick with chocolate; it makes life easier.” said Richard.

This story was written by David Gregory, creator of this website. Comment with your thoughts below!
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