Adam and Steve

funny short story: adam and steve

White rays rimmed with gold broke through the healthy green foliage, reflecting a morning mist that gave the earth a cloud-like appearance. The Garden felt too ethereal to be real, like most mornings in Eden. A reminder of the care of His craftsmanship, Eve thought.

Eve liked to walk through His Garden, and contemplate the beauty of her existence. Catching a glimpse of herself in one the many rivers, Eve thanked God for her loveliness. Her body was a divine delicacy, one of only two creatures made in His image.

Staring at her body, something confused her. She rushed to wake Adam.

“Adam. I was walking through the Garden…” Eve said. Adam was fast asleep in between the arms of a brown bear, the snuggliest creature in Eden.

“Ermm, yes, and…” Adam gargled, still half asleep.

“If I’m made in God’s image, what about these?” Eve said, pointing at her breasts. “And this!” Eve said, pointing at, well, you know.

Acknowledging her hysteria, he kindly asked the bear to release his hug, and stood up.

“Well, I don’t know. God doesn’t take off his robe.” Adam reasoned, before scratching his head. “To be honest, I don’t want to know what he’s got working under there. I think you’re weird for asking.”

Eve felt a little embarrassed, and went on the offensive.

“OK. Well, since we are on the subject. Then, why was I made last! He knew He was going to create me eventually, right? Why did I have to be last? After men, after the animals... ”

“Bro’s before ho’s, I guess,” Adam chuckled.

“Shut up! I’m serious. I don’t think it’s fair. I feel like…just an afterthought,” Eve whined.

As Eve pouted, Adam opened his arms, and Eve fell into his embrace

“If we’re being honest, there was another before you.”

“Uh, Who?

“Steve.” Adam said bluntly.

“Who the f*** is Steve?”

“Steve and I roamed the Garden for about a thousand years or so before you came along,” Adam described. “Once I was done naming the animals, I needed some companionship. So I just asked God to make a copy of me. You’re like Steve 2.0. The fun bags and whooha was totally his idea. You know Him. Once he gets an idea in his head, you can’t stop Him.”

“Did you guys…do it?”

“It was before we met, so, I’m not sure it’s any of your business,” Adam argued.

“Did you?”

“Of course we did,” Adam said proudly. “But listen sweetie. You’re like, God’s improvement on man. He didn’t make you last as an afterthought. You were made last because your beauty took the most time.”

“Well, what happened to Steve?” Eve questioned.

“Not sure, something about a snake,” Adam said.

Having heard Adam’s explanation, Eve went back to roam the Garden with a newfound appreciation for her body. Adam cuddled up again with Snuggle the bear to dream of days with less arguing.

This story was written by David Gregory, creator of this website. Comment with your thoughts below!
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